Told my dad...

He came over for birthday cake at my moms house, along with my cousin and aunt, sister, mom, brother and step dad.  He started out by *****ing me out for something unrelated so I thought that he would really be mad at me.  But after he ate something (that usually fixes everything with him) he calmed down.  My mom kept nudging me, so finally I just said "Guess what, you're gonna be a grandfather!"  He goes "Which one of you?" meaning me or my 18 year-old sister (WTF?).  Then I said me, and he said "Congratulations ********"  Which was actually a pretty nice response for him. 

Then we all started talking about baby names and stuff.  He did the normal "your life is over" schpeel but other than that it went 100% better than I thought.  He did say a couple of times "I'm not happy but there's nothing I can do about it" but hey, I'll take that.  He left and my whole family was super relieved!  So all in all it went pretty well and now I can tell everyone!

Glad to hear that it went better than you expected! Now you can have fun leting people know without having to worry about telling him. Have a good day!!
Hugs,
Kim
 

I'm going to be blunt. Why do you even want a relationship with someone that is abusive to you? What if he is that way to your child? I don't know you but your post pains me terribly and I don't think you even realize how abusive your dad is to you.

Several years ago I made the decision to only have people in my life that are good for me and my family. It isn't worth it to go to certain family member's functions simply because they are family. You don't owe your dad a relationship.

I completely agree with you.  The relationship is complicated to say the LEAST.  It's hard for me to cut my ties completely for several reasons.  He has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me my entire life.  I did not want to put my mom in a bad situation, she is, and always has been the "moderator" between us, and I cannot let that happen any more.

As far as the baby goes, my father will never, EVER be alone with him or her.  If he chooses to visit on birthdays and holidays I cannot object, but the relationship between him and I is so damaged, nothing can really fix it, and I dint want to.  I just felt I owed it to him to tell him in person, because had I not, it would have been 1000x's worse as he holds grudges for years and years. 

Thanks for the concern, but there are so many things at play here.  If it were my choice, he wouldn't be in my life at all.

Karen

Congratss..one of the hardest parts of the ordeal is over!


sudy☆

Happy it all went well!!!

Glad that that is behind you!!

I would be upfront with him - tell him that was this way with you as a child and you won't let him do the same to your baby, if he can't accomodate you solong. and hunny it is up to you! You are in your twenties you can tell him to hit the road! *hugs*

My FIL is the same way. He is miserable, rude, mean and incosiderate to everyone but himself. A year ago I had to tell him he was no longer welcome in my home and would never see his grandchildren. For Hubby's sake I agreed that he would be allowed to see the baby after it is born but not to touch it (he gave up personal hygene years ago)

Enjoy your happy time and don't let ANYONE bring you down!!!

Hi there--

I saw your post the other day about the fact that you would be sharing your news with your dad and my heart went out to you. Family relationships and dynamics can be "sticky" to say the least!

First, I'm sorry to learn that your father is the way he is. It's a shame he isn't more supportive, but it seems like you have a good understanding of who he is and what his limitations are.

Second, I've learned that people'e reactions are often more about them than they are about you. I often think of that when people respond in a bizarre or unexpected way to something I've said or done.

Enjoy sharing your exciting news with the world!

--Paula

I'm glad that you're OK w/how things went w/your dad...but I have to agree w/Jennifer.  I don't see a benefit for having your father in your life if this is how he acts.  If your mom has re-married and moved on...it sounds like it's time for the rest of you to move on from him too.  It's not even like your mom/dad are still married so you're humoring his mean disposition to keep the peace for her sake.  I know I don't know the whole aspect...and my $0.02 is unsolicited...but I really think you should consider how it will be if he's around your baby...having your baby walk on tip toe around him to keep him happy....and having your baby listen to him talk to you, your sister, or other family members in the same manner. 

Whatever you decide to do w/the relationship w/your father...I wish you luck...and congrats again on your pregnancy.  Now that you've told the worst of your family...you can go about telling the rest of them and enjoy your pregnancy.

Not that it's good news- but I can related some.  My father is a very interesting person..used to care about us..but got remarried, and could give two squirts about any of his children (we're all grown THANK GOD!).  But I didnt tell him with my first pregnancy until I was over half way- I never see him ( he has two homes, one in Ocean City Maryland and one Near Disney in Florida)...we all live in PA.  He sold his house in pa, to retired between his homes.  Lets see- he basically was like, thats good.  Asked if it was a boy or girl...I received a basket of flowers when I returned home from the hospital...and  a brief 15 minute visit a few weeks later...when he was in the area.  I haven't told him this time (I posted it on FB- where is wife and step daughter read) so he knows...but I havent uttered a word.  I'm almost 28 weeks.  I think when my sister had her surprise pregnancy (her other kids are 16 and 19) - although she was trying- she told him when she was about 32 weeks- and had to see him at a family function- pretty much her tummy did the talking. LOL.  Priceless.  Of course he gave her the WTF are you thinking - your kids are almost grown and out of your hair.  My sister had lost a baby at 20 weeks- and he didnt show at the baby's burial...so resentment runs deep about that (understandably for my sister).  I guess he figure he has the last word- because my neice is 5 months and he's NEVER seen her--even when he's been "local".  Sometimes dysfunction is okay- I prefer him not be around if it means I have to deal with his crazy "new" family.